Dating In Your 30’s


So if you don’t know I’ve been single for about 6 years. This is a judgment-free zone lol.

Listen, dating in Michigan is hard, I’m pretty sure it’s hard everywhere else, but Michigan is tough. When it comes to a relationship, I want things that are a deal-breaker for me. Some of those things will not change I don’t care how rich nor how fine a man is.  I want what I want and it took me six years to realize what I want in a relationship. I am not changing that for anybody.

Ladies, please don’t lower your standards in what you are looking for in a man. HE needs to step his game up.

In April of 2018, I wrote a post about being single and it’s still relevant as hell today here is the link if you wanna read it.

So here is the deal, I am still single, finally open to dating and looking to potentially get into a full-blown relationship.

At the time I wrote the blog post, I was in a midlife crisis if you ask me. I cut every FWB off and everything. I wanted to be alone and I got judged for that. As I mentioned before I have been single for 6 years and when I tell people I have been single that long I get slightly judged.

Why do you ask?

Well, it’s honestly how I grew up, do you remember this part in flawless? The little section when  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was speaking? 

“Because I am female

I am expected to aspire to marriage

I am expected to make my life choices

Always keeping in mind that

Marriage is the most important

Now marriage can be a source of

Joy and love and mutual support

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage

And we don’t teach boys the same?”

That part always stood out to me every time I listen to it. Questions we need to ask is why don’t we teach men to aspire to marriage? Why is it only women who should get married and settled down as soon as they are of age?

I don’t know why people are shocked when I, a grown-ass woman am single BY CHOICE to make sure I am READY for a relationship. 

Being single in my 30’s made me realize that the relationships I was in during my 20’s weren’t the best of relationships. While in those relationships I was looking for validation, love, and stability from men who weren’t even worthy enough for my time. 

I don’t know where that came from but I literally had an epiphany.

To me, when you open yourself up to dating, you have to have the mental space to actually open up to like someone, talk on the phone, text, and go out with the person.

Being single is not a burden. I remember growing up and all little girls talked about getting married and having children. To be completely honest, I hated talking about getting married, hell even having children.

I was the little girl who always said ” I would have 1 child and 1 child only” and guess what I have? 1 damn child.

I am not saying that marriage or even children are a burden because both are amazing things. I just wish to be married one day to a partner who I am head over heels in love with and he feels the same exact way. I want him to be my best friend all while raising our children and loving the shit out of each other.

In your 20’s you discover yourself, in my 20’s I dealt with 3 men relationship-wise a liar, abuser, and a cheater. What I realized about each and every one of them they all had similar traits and I had a “type”. 

When it comes to relationships, you don’t expect to be in any of those types of relationships and you try to avoid those types of situations at all costs.

One of the worst feelings in the world is convincing yourself it’s okay to stay in any of those relationships. All while people are telling you it’s time to leave, to be honest, no matter what you tell a person they have to see what’s no good for them on their own. It’s unfortunate because you know that person deserve’s so much more.

What you did in your 20s is a complete opposite of what you do in your 30’s.

In my 30’s I have been more confident than ever. I feel much better about myself self and I don’t have as much low self-esteem as I did in the past. 

Shocker? Yeah, I know low self-esteem those relationships molded me to think I wasn’t pretty enough, confident enough, or even a good enough woman to deserve a man who is supposed to treat me how I deserve to be treated.

Yes, sis with therapy my confidence is much better, but there are still insecurities there and it’s a struggle, but I am working on it everyday. 

As I said, I have been single for 6 years. I have worked on myself and built up the confidence to become the woman I am today. To be honest, I’ve never been more social than I am right now at 32 I have met some amazing people by just going out to networking events and forcing myself to talk.

That’s a whole subject for a different post, but I wanted to just let you know being single does not have to be a burden. The most important thing to have is the mental stability to get into a relationship and even if that takes months, or years do what you have to do to become the woman you are meant to be sis. 

This year, I have opened myself up to dating and yes it’s been a struggle because again some men or women  are super freaking trash and STILL only out for negative intentions.  Pay attention to those signs, don’t end up hurt, don’t end up in an uncomfortable situation you can’t get out of because you think you love this man or woman. 

With all this being said, I just wanted you to know that you are beautiful, and yes your husband or wife is out there for you. Speak it into existence, pray for him or her, and he or she will show themselves to you, the question is will you be ready for him or her when he’s presented all the signs that this is who you should be with?

So ending on a good note what are some things you look for in a relationship? Have you ever been so in love that you don’t pay attention to any of the signs that this isn’t the man you should be with? Let me know in the comments!!


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