Hey guys so this week I have an amazing guest blogger post from the amazing Ray from BlkGirlDaily. She’s become such a great friend of mine so I thought I’d have her write something for my blog and it’s a AMAZING read so check out this week’s post. Be sure to comment ❤️ and head over to her blog and subscribe she’s super informative!
I feel like my biggest struggle in life has been accepting people for who they are… and trying so hard to force them to be how I want them to be. I used to want to (not change) but persuade lol people to be a certain way because I believed my way was the best. I am the most efficient, I make great decisions, blah blah blah…
It wasn’t other’s that I needed to change though; it was myself.
Accepting people for who they are means that you
compromise your preferences. No, you evaluate your preferences. Figure out why they are preferences in the first place. Do you need someone to be a certain way to make you feel better? Or is that person challenging you to be better, different, or worse.
I soon learned that I cannot change people. Yes, there are people that I GENUINELY clash with, but other times, I had to learn to accept people for who they are and below I will tell you the ways that have helped me deal with it.
It was frankly society. Let’s face it, people can be trash lol… honestly, I can be trash lol. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Everyone has a trash human moment whether they act it out or think it. At some point, you’ve done something someone didn’t like or something that rubbed someone the wrong way. But everyone deserves grace…
So here is how you can accept people for who they are.
First thing you must do is learn how to control your emotions and responses. When someone does something that you don’t like (it might not even be disrespectful) but it just was them being them… don’t respond immediately. If you are in person with them and they do something, try as best you can to compose yourself. I say this because our first reaction often times is to POP OFF or your first reaction is to internalize.
I don’t want you to do either. Things still need to be addressed… but in a manner where the other person understands where you’re coming from and that doesn’t happen if you POP OFF or if you never say anything at all. By learning to control your responses, you give yourself time to analyze what took place or think about whether that person meant to say something mean to you, if that is their personality, or if you really need to hear what they are saying.
For example, I have an older person in my family who says whatever tf she wants. It used to offend me, but I have accepted that this is who she is. She’s not trying to be rude, but she says what’s on her mind. There have been times where I met her at her response and she felt the irritation in my voice, but other times, I don’t even let it bother me because I know she’s not coming from a place of malice.
The next thing you must do is become more self-aware. Understanding who you are and really looking at how you respond to situations will help you see your part in every interaction that you have. There is an action and a reaction. Figure out if you were the cause of how someone reacted. Be able to apologize and resolve. When someone does or says something out of pocket, evaluate the events that led up to that interaction. Once I was able to really work on my accountability skills, I was able to better maintain relationships, or leave them. Being self-aware means that you also see that you didn’t cause their negative reaction and at that point you may have to accept how they are from afar.
Lastly, work out your cut off muscle. Exercise it monthly. Being able to cut something (not someone) but something off is a form of self-care. If you listen to any of my podcast or speak to me in person, you’ll know that I often refer to my father as an emotionally stunted person. After years of hurt and anger that was spilling over into each compartment of my adulthood, I decided to cut off certain access that he had to me. I didn’t completely cut him off but I limited the amount of information he knew about me, cut off physical interaction (haven’t seen him in years) and limited verbal communication.
Don’t get me wrong because on the surface, it can seem like I’m bitter… but I’m not. I’m open to having a conversation with him, but at the present moment, he doesn’t take any accountability for any of the events that took place in my adolescence and to heal from that, I had to cut off the parts of my life that were harming me emotionally.
Whether you want to completely cut off a person or just limit their access to you is a decision that you will have to make, but don’t feel guilty for it. Mental health is as important as all the other health’s (physical, spiritual, & emotional).
Accepting people for who they are is an art. It will allow you to have more peace in your life but also set boundaries. The acceptance must come with boundaries. Accept that Uncle Leonard is crazy, but also maybe not see him as much because it may be affecting your peace. Accept that your ex is manipulative and be like “cool, that’s how you are and you can be who you are… but I can’t subscribe to it” and move on.
Dealing with people is not an avoidable task, but caring for yourself, becoming more self-aware and being confident in who you are will allow you to see people for who they are and accept them where they’re at.