So I’m sitting here it’s 1:00 am I gotta be up at 6:00 am, but something just compelled me to write.
So for the past few weeks, I’ve been back in my thoughts. Thinking I’m failing at life. Confidence at an all-time low. Cried a few times, yeah I’ve been going through it.
I’ve never been a big communicator up until about 2 years ago. I was always so afraid of hurting other people’s feelings I have memories of wanting to say stuff when I was younger but never spoke up. So in the past few weeks, I’ve been so judged by other people I thought I would ask some of these questions to my subscribers because I need this shit to make sense because at this point I’m pissed off. (Example of how angry I get)
So here are the most commonly asked questions that irk my soul.
1. “Where yo man at baby?”
2. “When are you getting married”
3. “Why don’t you smile?”
Okay, well it wasn’t that many but SHIT these are probably the most commonly asked questions I get asked. Why the hell is it any of your concern where my man is? I’ll get married when God brings the man of my dreams longer than 6-8 months (LOL). I don’t smile because my mind is running 1000 miles per minute and I am not focused on what other people are doing around me.
LET ME LIVE!!!! What are some of the most commonly asked questions you get asked every day? I purposely walk around with my AirPods in my ear because I don’t want to be bothered (judge ya momma lol). My communication skills are trash af, but at least when I hear you I respond. If you would have met me a good ten years ago I would have kept walking.
All I wanna do is just live my life and be free to do what I want, I am working on my weight loss, my blog, my credit, my mental, and the list goes on. I don’t have time to smile. I literally get anxiety going out in public I literally stayed home this past weekend and went out the house once. I was absolutely okay with that. I cooked and I didn’t spend money in order for me to be more responsible I have to make choices.
This year I am truly trying to be better with communication and it’s working so far, I’ve attended events by myself and FORCE myself to speak and network.
So I am going to warn you now this blog post is about to be all over the place just like my thoughts. Plus it’s a 90% chance that I am getting sleepy. Above is what I am going to call getting shit off my chest lol.
Now if you’ve made it this far welcome because you have now entered the real blog post. Yes, the title is accurate and yes we are talking about better ways to communicate so here are some pointers from my own experience and things I’ve read on the good ol intanets (yes I spelled it like that on purpose).
So because I have anxiety it’s super hard for me to communicate how hard you ask? Well, I’ve missed out on opportunities just because I’ve got into my thoughts. Thinking people would judge me it’s like I can hear people’s thoughts, but it truly comes with the territory of having anxiety.
One of the most important things I did was finding a therapist. Now to be completely honest I need to find a new therapist because I have found a new job and if you know how insurances work if I use my previous one I’ll be paying more out of pocket. In December 2017 I was a walking zombie jobless and thoughts everywhere. I spoke about this in a while back, but I had thoughts of suicide right before Christmas and that’s when I went to a therapist and was told I have anxiety.
Since then I decided I won’t let this take over me. Yeah, I have my days, but the good always outweighs the bad. It always does and that’s why I choose to live, I don’t just live for me I have a daughter to live for as well.
Life isn’t peaches & cream I struggle some months to pay bills, I’ve started and quit a diet more times than I can count, but it’s okay because I can do it.
Each day I try to challenge myself by doing something I hate doing. Talking to a stranger, going out in public (lol) I think those two things are the things that I dread the most. I feel people’s eyes on me and to be completely honest it’s the worst thing in the world.
Looking back and thinking about certain events in my life I’ve had anxiety since I was at least 5 years old. I remember just being absolutely nervous and freaked out and when I expressed my emotions I was hushed. This may be the reason I bottle a lot of my emotions til this day.
It’s not a lot to start with but these steps are helping me get through life seriously. I have the HARDEST times speaking, or even communicating things. I still get emotional as to where when I get pissed off I cry and of course, my good ol other Gemini comes out and who knows what the hell happens then. I will be 32 in 4 days the biggest thing I think I am looking forward to is just becoming a better woman.
I have a lot of content coming out this week so you will be hearing from me soon.