A letter to the 21-year-old me…

So this week I wanted to challenge myself and see if I can actually come up with some good advice to this girl right here….(don’t ya’ll judge me I was 21 lol) I also want to challenge you all to write a letter to you at 21 and give yourself one piece of advice in the comments!


So at 31 years old I have learned so many lessons, lost friends, grew up, and gained lessons. So I sat down and thought to myself what would I tell my 21-year-old self about being 31 and getting through everything that I’ve dealt with. Also, I thought I would share it with you all. Because at whatever age you are what is one thing you would say to yourself ten years ago?

So here is what I would tell the 21-year-old Phe…

Hey Phe,

So hey it’s me (lol) I am now 31 working a full-time job, and attempting this blogging thing WHICH I LOVE!!! Madisyn is about to be 12 years old next week, and school is starting next week. You have found a new found love for blogging; you are making amazing connections with some amazing women that are either bloggers or bloggers. Recently you’ve been thinking about a way to become a full-time blogger and monetize your blog to do so. When you think about blogging at the age, you are now do that shit! You are an amazing writer, and this is something you love to do!


At this time, you have been single for four years, and you recently decided to hop back into the dating world. It is one of the weirdest things ever because of course, you’re awkward. But being awkward is the new black, right? Doesn’t matter you have become a motivating fierce person and you will love the person you will become at 31. You have learned to speak up more and be a more motivating person. You’ve discovered a few tips and tricks on your own that with push you to be amazing. Do whatever you want and live how you want. There will be some down moments that will help you as a blogger and bring awareness to two topics that are close to your heart; you just have been diagnosed yet. You have endometriosis which you’ll find out at 28 you feel a little let down about it because it’s slightly harder for you to have a kid, but you’re still on the whole “my sister has enough kids for the both of us” ride. (LOL)

At 30 years old you will lose a great job but will discover that the job was not for you and will find you love for blogging. There is a downside for about 6 months you will go through a dark phase of depression, you don’t want to talk to anyone about it, you cry yourself to sleep at night because you feel like it’s the end of the world, you also pray to God to show you where your life is going and boy did he!


You are good at this blogging shit girl you have so many networking opportunities and such supportive friends. Yes, you’re still single but who is worried about that because I am sure as hell not. Take it one day at a time there will be days when you feel like you don’t know what to do. You have an amazing support system from your amazing parents to your sisters, your cousins, and your dope friends I can go on forever.  Be the best you when you can, you will fall and get right back up and walk it off. You will be happy, and that is the best place to be.


Okay, ladies, now in the comments what is some of the best advice you can tell your 21-year-old self right now? Let me know in the comments!!!!!!


5 thoughts on “A letter to the 21-year-old me…

  1. I would tell my 21 year old self that the life you are going threw is worth the effort. Learn to be a little more patient. Which we still havent learned. And the fight we go threw for the next few years is worth the 10 years we are now. Married to our man still. Even when we thought we should give up. We are happy, and our children have the best life. Spoiler alert we get 2 boys and only one Girl. Lol. Which isn’t so bad. But for warning. She has our attitude. It will all be ok. I promise. The suicidal year we have was a down fall but we still made that too.

    Thank you for this QueenPhe. I needed a reminder. Life isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Everything worked out.

    Love, DemonQueen

  2. Melany, we still don’t have it figured out. But guess what you don’t give a flying fuck ☺️. That person you’re hiding and running from now, you’ll embrace and love unapologetically. Speaking of becoming unapologetic, turning 30 helped you realize you can’t live your life for anyone but yourself. You’re going to live in your Blackness and have absolutely no regard for anyone that has an issue. You’re going to discover most of the values you once considered to be sacred aren’t and question them often. You’ve evolved spiritually, romantically, sexually. Bish, you live the shit and love it (unapologetically of course). Sadly, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. You’re going to make irresponsible choices, have you’re heartbroken by people you’d never imagine had the capability. Because of it you’ll become more jaded and guarded than you already were. You’ll have periods where you’ll work hard not to be that way. There will be deep dark times. Really dark. The silver lining, you’ll learn that feeling you’ve had since you were a kid, that there’s something wrong is called anxiety. More importantly going so long untreated triggers that dark feeling called depression. You’ll get better. Learn you triggers. Adapt. Make light of it because it’s how you cope. You’ll also become a huge mental health advocate. So not bad right?! You’ve realized your purpose! Finally! You’re walking and thriving and living in it. It’s your passion and doesn’t feel like work. You actually love your job 😂😂😂 wtf. You’re working toward becoming your own boss. Again, you don’t feel like you have shit figured out for 32. You beat yourself up about it. But you’re pretty dope kid. Keep grinding and don’t change a single thing you’ve done. It’s all apart of your story.

  3. I love, love, LOVED this post! I’m only 21 right now but you have inspired me to write a letter to my 17 year old self. I love how genuine and authentic this is and I loved it so much! I am already obsessed with your blog and will definitely be a regular reader.

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